I am Luc of the Street

Unplugged

Been without my badge for over a month now. Haddad checks in from time to time, but otherwise, I'm completely out of touch. It's the strangest feeling, being disconnected like this. At first, I was frantic and angry. I finally get the case of my career and they shut me down. But now, a month in, I'm feeling...apathetic.

I'm surprise how easily I've slipped into this mode. I should be fighting for my career, but I can't muster the desire anymore. I spend my days walking the streets, retracing the steps of my childhood, revisiting old haunts—and old ghosts. I let the day take me where it will. No plans. No schedules. Like old times. I'm starting to like being nobody again. Being invisible. There's power in that.

Maybe I like being off the grid. Maybe it's my true nature.

The Other Side of Me

I am two men, bright and dark. I suppose we all are, but for me it's much more real, much more polarizing, because I've lived in both worlds. After all, before I was a cop, I was on the street for ten years—and let's just say, I survived on more than wits. But Bruno saw something in me, another side, and took me under his wing, changing my life in a day. One day, like the flick of a switch. No one thought to wean me off the street. They just shut it down.

When they took my badge away, they kicked the switch over. The other side of me is starting to wake up. I feel him stretching his legs, wanting to walk the streets again. He’s itching to get out. He’s been switched off too long.

The street side of me constantly tugged at the cop side, but my badge was there to strengthen my resolve. Now it’s gone. Tant pis. I’m tired of fighting myself.

Maybe it’s time I stopped being half a man and got reacquainted with the other side of me.

Who Am I Now?

I don’t know who I am without my badge. It’s all I’ve known for twenty years. It’s my purpose, my identity. My badge was my connection to Bruno, to being someone, being needed. Being important.

What am I, if I’m not a cop?

When Bruno took me off the streets, he promised my life in the National Police would save me. I’m beginning to understand what he meant. That badge saved me, alright—from myself. It pulled me out of the dark. Gave me to the world.

What happens now? What if they take it away for good?

I can’t believe how lost I feel. What’s wrong with me? I’m the same guy, aren’t I? I just don’t have the credentials, that’s all. That’s nothing.

No, it’s everything.

“A man who is useful can never be cast aside,” Bruno used to say. He knew what that badge meant to a man.

I'm glad Bruno didn't live to see this.