I'm too physical. That's what I was told by a guy who owns a club in the Bastille. He took offense to my touch. All I did was pat his cheek, just to let him know he was okay by me—a sign of affection, affirmation. What's the problem?
"You use touch to control," he said. "To dominate."
According to him, I'd been "touchy" during our entire conversation—squeezed his arm, patted his back, and like that. I didn't realize; I suppose I do it unconsciously. No one has complained before, but this guy puffed up his chest and told me to back off. "Ne me touches pas," he said. "I know you're supposed to be some tough guy, and you think I should be intimidated, but here, in my club, I'm the king."
Okay. But maybe, if you're feeling dominated by me, you're not the "king" you think you are.
I thought he was just some insecure oddball, but when I told Henri about it, he agreed. "It's just part of your makeup. You keep people in check." Then he compared me to his dog. "He uses his body to signal to the other dogs he's boss of the courtyard."
So, it's primal?
"You do it with Moudie a lot," he said. Then he laughed and added, "but he does it right back."
And I thought we were just being affectionate.
At work, guys are physical all the time—embracing hello, smacking each other on the back, clapping one another on the shoulder. Are we merely Alpha males vying for the kingdom? That's ridiculous. Right?
If I dominate, so be it. But it bothers me it's happening when I'm trying to make a connection. At least I think I'm trying to connect. What if I don't know the difference between affection and manipulation? What if my need to dominate is pathological?
Can I ever again caress a person without wondering if I'm mentally punching them?
