Well, it finally happened: Moudie called me “chef.” I guess now it’s official. Chief. Yeah, that’s me—the boss. Whoa, I just got a little rush. Of anxiety.
It’s not that I mind being in charge; I can run an investigation no problem. It’s being responsible for my team’s happiness that makes me uneasy. It seems very little about being boss has to do with police work. I spend my time being part shrink and part father. They come to me with their problems, their needs, complaints. And I’m meant to solve it, find a salve for it, fix it up. It’s a little bewildering because, as we all know, I’m not very good at being a father.
Moudie, on the other hand, is the only one who comes to me with solutions. It's refreshing but at the same time, I think it's because he sees himself as boss. He's almost never deferred to me. I don’t know if it’s personal or a matter of control. He's an "I got that" kind of guy. "Don't you worry about it, I got that."
At first, I was happy to have someone to fall back on, especially as I was wading through so much bureaucracy and politics, but now that I'm settled in and wanting to take the reigns fully, Moudie has been pushing back. It's a little disrespectful, no? I mean, hey, I'm the boss, right?
Then on Friday, it happened. I actually heard the word “boss” come out of Moudie's mouth. “What do you need me to do, boss?” he asked. Just like that, all of a sudden. It didn’t sound like, “sir;” it sounded affectionate, like a nickname. I wasn't insulted by the tone, quite the opposite, because the way he said it, so round and full, was like he really meant it. Like a vote of confidence. Now, suddenly, everything is “boss” this and “boss” that. It’s something special, really.
At the end of the day, I'm not looking for blind deference; what I want is an ally. Every good leader needs one. And when Moudie called me “chef” the way he did, with that tone, I knew it meant I finally had my real number-two guy. A brother. Someone who'd take a bullet for me. I've finally earned his respect and trust, and it means everything.
Did I need Moudie to validate that I’m boss for real? Maybe. When I was on the street, it was the other kids who voted me chief. I didn’t grab the crown like some kind of Napoleon and stick it on my own head. I’m no emperor. Sure, I’m chief now, but because my superiors put me here. It meant nothing until Moudie seconded it.
